What is my PURPOSE?

Well I have been trying to figure that out over the past few months. I have listened to several people’s podcasts. Chalene Johnson, Mariah Coz, Dr. McKayla…and more. Passion, purpose, hobby, job, career.  I am still confused. I cannot figure this out…I am not an unintelligent person but this just has me baffled. Let me try to explain.

I manage a dry cleaners. I love what I do. I work too many hours so sometimes I feel burnt out but somehow I get re-energized. Most of my employees are awesome but there are a few that challenge me. And there are some positions that seem to have a revolving door and there is always a new person in the mix. I want to spend less time at work and more time at home and with my grand children. But I feel more needed at work. Now my work kids are always asking my advise about well a lot of things. I am like their mother. They come to me about their personal lives and what to do in all kinds of situations. I always tell them what I truly think no sugar coating it. And they get mad at me sometimes but respect the fact that I am most of the time right on the money. They think I am great. (Their words). Now with my own children I speak my mind with my youngest, mostly speak my mind to the eldest…but my middle child I walk on eggshells. That situation is shall we say not a stable one. 

People come to me for advice on 

Boyfriends, girlfriends, stains on their clothes, where to buy this or that, self esteem issues, anxiety issues, love, hate, parents, children, exes, how thei item was or was not cleaned or pressed correctly or how they requested. How to press this or that, can you print me this or that, how do I log into this or that, how do I operate my phone, where can I find a replacement????

Now I am not saying I have a degree in any of these areas… But people ask me about these things and more. And I answer to the best of my ability and knowledge or I Reccomended them to find another person and how to go about doing that. 

But there is no one or even two things in that for me to focus on to even begin to figure out my purpose or passion. Heck I out together a greenhouse a few weeks ago and loved doing it. Just a few days ago I put in a cement floor in it. Really loved doing that too! I enjoy computer stuff as well. I am so all over the place it is crazy. 

And yes I am a people pleaser. I love making everyone happy and smiling. It really drains me when I let someone down. Even if it really wasn’t me but I didn’t double check that one thing and it didn’t get done right…bugs the heck out of me!!! I know I cannot make everyone happy. I have come to terms with that. “Sorry I really tried everything I could but that spot just isn’t coming out” I don’t like saying it so if I do say it you know I tried everything but literally cutting the stain out to remove it. I am far from perfect and so is everyone on my staff most of us try real hard but mistakes happen. And I try to not make excuses just solutions if there are any to be made. If you are still unhappy then you can be on your merry little way and I hope you can find someone that can make you happy. 

But is all of this there is more. I love being outdoors. I love photography and playing around with the photos I have taken and making something new and wonderful out of them. I really swear there will never be enough hours in a day for me to do everything I truly enjoy doing. But the fact remains I enjoy my career. I enjoy most of the people I am around there. My favorite part is 1) seeing the smiles on my customers faces and 2) after hours when the magic happens that creates those smiles. I do personally work on the specialty items and antique items. I have two people now in training helping we with those items. An employee for a couple of years now and recently (sort of but some over the years) my daughter and now employee. Training my art can only be done in a dry cleaners and that limits me. I do not want my competition to have my knowledge. Other towns and cities I don’t mind but I am a working manager. So I work Monday through Friday 6:30 am until at least closing. Although recently I have been trying to take off early at least one day a week. But that happens almost every other week. The weekends are for my husband. 

So still figuring out what my purpose is and my passion and the difference between them. 48 and still going strong!

Timeouts

You would think I was talking about child rearing but I am not. I am talking about workaholics like myself. I work 12 to 14 hour days. Monday through Friday and the weekend is for my husband and family. I am in demand all day…if not by an employee it is a customer on the phone or in the lobby, or even a sales call on the phone. Anything from equipment not working right to the boss has a question about something in the office. I am pulled every which way for most of my day. Even when I try to sneak in a quick bathroom break…I no sooner get in there I have someone outside the door hollering my name to ask me a question or tell me I have a phone call. 

We need timeouts…silent moments where there is no calls or interuptions. Just some time for ourselves. That is hard to do. I have a hard time shutting down and being unavailable. UNAVAILABE…no one like to be unavailable. But for our health and sanity we need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. 

Nothing is going to go so drastically wrong in an hour that we cannot fix when we get back. There is always a learning opportunity…at least that is what I tell my team. So if they mess up while I am gone I just call it a “learning opportunity”. What to do the next time I am unavailable. 

I know this was short but I need a little me time. I will be taking a timeout.

Miscarriage

So it seems I am the statistic…

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, missed abortion or stillbirth.  I have 3 wonderful children. But I often think about the one I lost. 

I had what is known as a missed abortion. My baby died while in the womb but my body did not expell her. I had to go through the process of believing I was still carrying a live baby and when they could not find a heartbeat I had to go through a vaginal ultrasound to try to find the heartbeat. They never found it. She was gone. I wasn’t far enough along to have to actually give birth to her. Which i am sure is much harder than what I had to endure.  I had to go through what is known as a D & C. (Dilation and curettage) The removal of the tissue from a miscarriage.

This happened to me in 1991. Computers were not in every home. My family was poor and had no computer or knowledge of any support groups. I mention this because myself and many many other women went through our losses alone with little to no support. Today we have computers in almost every home and phone that connect to the Internet. We have support groups right at our fingertips. 

Here are a couple of links for those of you that do not know where to look or are too depressed to look. 

http://miscarriage.supportgroups.com/

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Miscarriage-Stillbirth/support-group

http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-loss/miscarriage-surviving-emotionally/

I still think about her and miss her. I wish I had all 4 of my children with me today. But the fact is I do not. I will never get to hold her or hear her laugh, read her books, take her to her first day of school, graduate high school, get married or have children of her own. I still get tears for her… And I always will. I think it is healthy to grieve for your loss. Just try real hard not to let it consume you. Your child would not want that for you.