Keep your head up…

I have busted my butt for many many years. I love the company I work for and live my job. But, sometimes you but your butt for a company and they take advantage or neglect to even notice all the hard work you do for them. I have been with this company for 18 plus years…and I generally just let things slide and roll off my back but recently I was compared to another manager just like myself within the company as we were equals and I stood up for myself saying that we were not equals although we are both part of the same team. And we are…we are all part of a big team. But my knowledge about our industry and abilities within our industry is far greater than that of the other manager and I stated this. 

I am not trying to be arrogant. Although it usually doesn’t go over well when a woman stands up and states that her worth is greater than she is being given credit for. I know my self worth although I do not normally say anything I feel that I should stand up for myself.

I was right! 

The owner is finally taking notice. Confidence is all people need. It took a lot for me to actually say anything. For years I have been told how I was as good as other people and although I knew that I was better than some I was afraid to say anything. I didn’t want to seem arrogant or cocky. I didn’t say anything with attitude or anger. I was confident and matter of fact about what I said. Like he should have known. It has helped and I am even happier at my job than I was before. I didn’t think that could happe. But it has.

You have to stand up for you! If you don’t then know one else will. 

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The never ending menstrual cycle…

So I am peri menopausal and life has thrown me some curve balls. Not sure where to begin. It has been a while since I posted.

Last fall I realized I was going into the peri menopausal stage in my life and I was excited. I was so ready to not have my period for months at a time if not ever again. 

Mother Nature had other plans for me. I am not sure why except for me to share my story with others. 

May 20th started alike any other cycle I have ever had. Some spotting and then the next day the Flo began. But this time it didn’t stop at day 4-7. It just continued on like I had not had one in years. But because I was going through peri menopause I did not freak out. But at about day 30 I put a call into my Dr in hopes to have a brief conversation with her. This to me is very personal and I didn’t want a tag team call after call going on and I did relay that when I left the message for her to call me back. But I got a call back from someone I did not know. I again strongly expressed my need to talk directly to my doctor. I was told that was not possible and I hung up and cried. 

So I just figured I have an appointment at the end of July I would just struggle through it until then.

On day 55 I called back and talked to a nurse that I knew and told her that I wanted the doctor to add a couple of tests to the bloodwork I was already having don’t the week before my appointment. All of my hormone levels and my iron level. I was an emotional wreck having had some form of bleeding wether it was spotting or a going through an extra absorbant pad every hour with only 1 day off now in days shy of 2 months. 

She granted the iron test (which came back as me being anemic-shocker)  but not the hormones and referred me to a specialist. This is where it gets more interesting. Now that appointment isn’t until August 9th. But I did get a 2 week reprieve at day 60. But then it started all over again. 

I was not just anemic but on the verge of needing a blood transfusion anemic. That shocked me. What has shocked everyone is what I do and how many hours I worked during these times. I am a manager at a dry cleaners  and it was a very long hot summer. We had people that got other jobs and some that had no choice but to leave us to take care of loved ones. But in between hiring new people and training them I was working positions for those on vacations. Temps in the pressing areas can get and were for most of the summer upwards of 100 to 115 degrees. We have fans at every station and we supply cold bottled water for everyone. Plus I work on average 12-14 hours a day Monday through Friday. And I never passed out. I felt like it a bunch of times but somehow I just kept telling myself that I am the manager I cannot lol weak to my employees or my boss no matter what. So I would smile and keep moving.

Then I finally made it to the specialist appointment. I was ready and I had researched this and had my plan all set out. Or so I thought…

There are so many options out there for people that have a mentrual cycle that lasts for a long time especially if you are no longer planning to have children. That increases your options. But these options not for everyone.

The IUD is great if you no longer wish to have a period. With this option you could have the IUD removed if you do wish to have children again. For me this was not an option. My mother has had breast cancer and people with close family members that have had breast cancer or cervical cancer or ovarian cancer are not good candidates for this option. HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or any options that include hormones increases your odds of getting cancer as well. So this was ruled out very quickly for me.

Ablagation … This option is where the inside lining of the uterus is burned. There are a couple of ways to achieve this.  This option was ruled out for me because my uterus was too large from my 3 previous births. 

So I was left with hysterectomy. Where they remove the uterus and Fallopian tubes. Sometimes the cervix is removed as well. I had all but the ovaries removed. There is the surgical where the give you a pretty good scar opening you wide up to do the work. Takes a long time to recover from this. Laparoscopic which reduces the healing time and the scar. This is where they inflate your abdominal cavity with a gas to make the visibility better for the doctor. A few small incisions for the tools and a camera. I had this but was robotic assisted. Called davinci hysterectomy.

I must say that my recovery was much quicker and easier than I ever imagined. It was outpatient surgery. Within 2 days I was no longer taking my pain medications. Within a week I felt awesome. Although the hard part is…you feel great but you still have limitations. You cannot be doing any heavy lifting and for the recovery to fully take you have to abide by this rule. If you don’t it could spell trouble for you now or maybe even later down the road. This part has been very hard for me. But I have been obeying this rule because I cannot afford any setbacks…I am a workaholic you see. 

Life happens…

So my intentions were  to do this blog and I will finish the peri menopause list because I am actually living it. But to be completely honest I work between 60 and 70 hours a week Monday through Friday. I do have my weekends off but I need to let my husband know that I exist. Lol

Right now a day in my life is like a roller coaster for me. I do not know what is coming next. (Don’t get me wrong I love roller coasters and no one knows what is coming next)  What I am talking about is how I might react today to something will not be the way I act to the same thing tomorrow.  

Today I was out of my mind…I mean it was like watching someone I didn’t know. Then I think to myself is this what I have become? This angry emotional crazy person??? 

This transition has been very rough. I have been doing my research and have come up with a plan for myself. After I finish the symptoms I will let you know what my plan is. 

I wrote this a little over 7 months ago and here it sat in my draft section. 

And it has not gotten much easier the past 7 months. I will explain on next post.

Politics….should not be a bad reference.

The political season is upon us and I for one am tired of being a pawn in their smear campaigns. I don’t even know what they stand for unless I go online and research it. Because all they do is bad mouth each other on the commercials. I DVR and rush through the commercials because I do not want to hear it. They waist millions of not more on tv!!! (No one wants to see that) You would think they would have gotten that by now. But sadly for all of us they have not.

Our country was built on honesty. The people we put into office should be trusted. But it has become so corrupt. We need to get rid of all of them. Start over and make a few more rules for those in office.

1) Term limit for all politicians. No more than 2 terms for any person in office. Too much time in office appears to make for complacent and lazy. And the longer in office seem to be more easily bought off and are less concerned for the people they represent.

2) No more lobbyist. That is very very corrupt. Politicians make so much side money that what we pay them means nothing. They are not voting the way we would want them to because they pay more. 

3) Bring to the people what you want to vote on in session. Advertise the issues and let us decide and then vote our way and if you don’t you get ousted immediately. Remember you are there to represent your people not yourself. We should actually think about popular vote on all items and reduce the amount of politicians on the payroll.

4) No more earmarks on any bill. The bill is only about one subject and nothing gets put in there about any other subject. That shit is rediculous!! Tricky and wrong on so many levels. I cannot believe you have gotten away with this shit for so long!!!

5) NO MORE NEGATIVE CAMPAIGNS! We are so sick and tired of hearing the bad things about your opponent. How about only clean campaign. Win it on what you stand for. Not what bad thing your opponent might have done 10 years a ago. I do not care. What do you stand for. Where do you stand on important issues. 

6)  When you leave office … You leave office. We do not continue to pay you for the rest of your life. Go back to work and become a part of the regular civilian population again. It is expected of our military that see ungodly things in order to protect all of us so why not the politicians as well. 

7) Your pay is to be based on your productivity while in office. How many votes did you attend? You only get paid for those you attend. How many days were you in your office working? You only get paid for those days you actually work. Maybe more work for the people will happen if this was in place now. The people would be amazed at how many politicians actually showed up for every vote on bills that takes place. 

8) No more divisions… In other words …no more democrats or republicans or independents. How about “you were hired by the people and you stand for the people that you represent of the United States. Not the divided states.”

We should be a united country with different opinions. Which we are all entitled to. And the most popular opinion wins on each item up for vote. 

These rules should apply to all offices from town to city to state to country. From mayors to representatives to senators to president. Every aspect of running this country. 

This would be my wish for this country to move forward for the people not the big companies that run it now. 

Oh and to run this country you should be born in this country and have served this country in some fashion. And serving in the military should trump all else with an honorable discharge of course.

Thank you to all who have served and are serving currently. You are all awesome and I for one appreciate what you have done and are doing to protect myself as well as everyone else in this country!!!! You are the heroes!!!!

What is my PURPOSE?

Well I have been trying to figure that out over the past few months. I have listened to several people’s podcasts. Chalene Johnson, Mariah Coz, Dr. McKayla…and more. Passion, purpose, hobby, job, career.  I am still confused. I cannot figure this out…I am not an unintelligent person but this just has me baffled. Let me try to explain.

I manage a dry cleaners. I love what I do. I work too many hours so sometimes I feel burnt out but somehow I get re-energized. Most of my employees are awesome but there are a few that challenge me. And there are some positions that seem to have a revolving door and there is always a new person in the mix. I want to spend less time at work and more time at home and with my grand children. But I feel more needed at work. Now my work kids are always asking my advise about well a lot of things. I am like their mother. They come to me about their personal lives and what to do in all kinds of situations. I always tell them what I truly think no sugar coating it. And they get mad at me sometimes but respect the fact that I am most of the time right on the money. They think I am great. (Their words). Now with my own children I speak my mind with my youngest, mostly speak my mind to the eldest…but my middle child I walk on eggshells. That situation is shall we say not a stable one. 

People come to me for advice on 

Boyfriends, girlfriends, stains on their clothes, where to buy this or that, self esteem issues, anxiety issues, love, hate, parents, children, exes, how thei item was or was not cleaned or pressed correctly or how they requested. How to press this or that, can you print me this or that, how do I log into this or that, how do I operate my phone, where can I find a replacement????

Now I am not saying I have a degree in any of these areas… But people ask me about these things and more. And I answer to the best of my ability and knowledge or I Reccomended them to find another person and how to go about doing that. 

But there is no one or even two things in that for me to focus on to even begin to figure out my purpose or passion. Heck I out together a greenhouse a few weeks ago and loved doing it. Just a few days ago I put in a cement floor in it. Really loved doing that too! I enjoy computer stuff as well. I am so all over the place it is crazy. 

And yes I am a people pleaser. I love making everyone happy and smiling. It really drains me when I let someone down. Even if it really wasn’t me but I didn’t double check that one thing and it didn’t get done right…bugs the heck out of me!!! I know I cannot make everyone happy. I have come to terms with that. “Sorry I really tried everything I could but that spot just isn’t coming out” I don’t like saying it so if I do say it you know I tried everything but literally cutting the stain out to remove it. I am far from perfect and so is everyone on my staff most of us try real hard but mistakes happen. And I try to not make excuses just solutions if there are any to be made. If you are still unhappy then you can be on your merry little way and I hope you can find someone that can make you happy. 

But is all of this there is more. I love being outdoors. I love photography and playing around with the photos I have taken and making something new and wonderful out of them. I really swear there will never be enough hours in a day for me to do everything I truly enjoy doing. But the fact remains I enjoy my career. I enjoy most of the people I am around there. My favorite part is 1) seeing the smiles on my customers faces and 2) after hours when the magic happens that creates those smiles. I do personally work on the specialty items and antique items. I have two people now in training helping we with those items. An employee for a couple of years now and recently (sort of but some over the years) my daughter and now employee. Training my art can only be done in a dry cleaners and that limits me. I do not want my competition to have my knowledge. Other towns and cities I don’t mind but I am a working manager. So I work Monday through Friday 6:30 am until at least closing. Although recently I have been trying to take off early at least one day a week. But that happens almost every other week. The weekends are for my husband. 

So still figuring out what my purpose is and my passion and the difference between them. 48 and still going strong!

Miscarriage

So it seems I am the statistic…

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, missed abortion or stillbirth.  I have 3 wonderful children. But I often think about the one I lost. 

I had what is known as a missed abortion. My baby died while in the womb but my body did not expell her. I had to go through the process of believing I was still carrying a live baby and when they could not find a heartbeat I had to go through a vaginal ultrasound to try to find the heartbeat. They never found it. She was gone. I wasn’t far enough along to have to actually give birth to her. Which i am sure is much harder than what I had to endure.  I had to go through what is known as a D & C. (Dilation and curettage) The removal of the tissue from a miscarriage.

This happened to me in 1991. Computers were not in every home. My family was poor and had no computer or knowledge of any support groups. I mention this because myself and many many other women went through our losses alone with little to no support. Today we have computers in almost every home and phone that connect to the Internet. We have support groups right at our fingertips. 

Here are a couple of links for those of you that do not know where to look or are too depressed to look. 

http://miscarriage.supportgroups.com/

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Miscarriage-Stillbirth/support-group

http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-loss/miscarriage-surviving-emotionally/

I still think about her and miss her. I wish I had all 4 of my children with me today. But the fact is I do not. I will never get to hold her or hear her laugh, read her books, take her to her first day of school, graduate high school, get married or have children of her own. I still get tears for her… And I always will. I think it is healthy to grieve for your loss. Just try real hard not to let it consume you. Your child would not want that for you. 

Crazier things have NOT happened.

So I am not sure at this point what is going on in my mothers head. She is now listening at the door of my daughters room. No privacy…. The other night my daughter put her girls to bed and her girlfriend had brought her some wine. She had a rough day…and they had gone to bed planning on cleaning the kitchen in the morning. 

So my mom procedes to pull my daughter to the side as she got home from work and have this conversation with her.

My mom “Honey, my dog woke me up at about 1 in the morning last night. When I got to the kitchen it was still a mess. I was worried that something was wrong so I started towards your room and heard some noises. I almost knocked on the door but I just wasn’t sure if you were in pain or if you were having great lesbian sex.”

My daughter “Well grandma, as you can see I am just fine and I was not in any pain.” Hoping that would be enough she started to walk away. But no, my mother was not yet done.

My mother “So I walked back into the kitchen and cleaned up some of the dishes and again heard some noises from your room. I wasn’t sure if it was you in pain so I walked to your room and listened for a bit just to make sure you were ok.  Now I do not know if it was you or your girlfriend but at this point I was sure that you were not in pain, just having great lesbian sex.”  “So I went back to my bedroom and told your grandpa that you were fine just having great lesbian sex.” 

My daughter of course is just flabbergasted and is not sure what to say. She walks away to inform her girlfriend that her grandmother had eavesdropped during their shenanigans. And she was not sure how to handle that. Especially since my mother tends to wait outside the bathroom when my fighters girlfriend takes a shower. She has heard her scratch at the door trying to get her attention. So she tends to sit and wait until she hears my mother walk to the other room and then runs back to the bedroom. 

There seems to be nothing off limits to my mother. But I also must say…my children are very open with me about their “shenanigans ” sometimes to the point of TMI. But if I so much and mention mine and their dads they are done. Too funny. I tend to play on that just to mess with them. And then just laugh…

I am glad I have an open relationship with my children. But they really do not want to have that same type of relationship with their grandmother. It is just very awkward for them. She of course sees nothing wrong with it.

 To be honest we think my mother has a crush on my daughters girlfriend. They way she is always trying to message her and rub her legs and stuff. Kinda creepy. But maybe she is just way too lonely. Whatever her reasons are it really makes those 2 girls uncomfortable to be around her and try to make mad dashes from their room the the bathroom and back. Or dashing straight to the front door to leave. 

I love my mother but she really needs to be given some boundaries. I am sure she is going to start asking for details on how all that works. So I told my daughter to just put in a video and say watch and learn. The. Walk away. Lol Now that is a look on my mothers face I would like to see…but not actually be there for the inquisition of questions about what she was watching.