Chapter 3

So now we have hit close to 5th grade.

The summer between 4th and 5th grade we were moved to Springfield and we were moved to the upstairs of a house where a girl Paula and her parents lived. I became friends with Paula as she was my age and we would play together. I was quite upset that mom was no longer with Bill the fireman and was with my best friends dad. This was not good for me at all. My friend was blaming my mom for breaking up her family. I don’t blame her I would have felt the same way…I kind of blamed him for breaking up my mom and Bill. So.. but she blamed me as well or at least took it out on me for a long while. Eventually it got better but that was very rough.

We would finally get out of the cramped upstairs area in this house and get a house for us to live in. We moved to chase street and I lived in this house until I was old enough well sorta old enough to move out. (that is another chapter later).

So this is where I remember my first teacher…Mrs. Macioci. I loved her!! She was a great teacher and got me into tumbling. I really enjoyed that. I remember 3 friends from 5th and 6th grade. Kerry, her brother Clint and James. I do not remember the names of anyone else off the top of my head. I am sure I would remember people if I looked at a year book of sorts from that time but just off the top of my head that is it.

6th grade was the most beautiful teacher I have ever known of. She had long dark brown hair that reminded me of the original Wonder Woman. Mrs. Sanders. She was beautiful inside and out. She was an awesome teacher. There would be only 2 other teachers that would affect me as much as her. (again that is a later chapter)

So during 5th and 6th grade I would make friends with my next door neighbors and we would ride our bikes and explore the train tracks behind our house and the hill beside that that goes into the train yard. It was like a mini wooded area with pathways and big rocks and such for exploration. The tracks directly behind our house were for storing cars it wasn’t a throughway for the trains. We would play at the school playground and ride all over the neighborhood. Clint and Kerry were great friends and we had a lot of fun together.

I do remember that there was an eclipse during this time. We had to make boxes to look at the eclipse. That was so long ago but I remember having to find a shoebox for this project. I felt so special that this had happened in my lifetime and that I got to see and be a part of it.

My moms boyfriend and her got married during this time and he started to teach me a lot of things. I learned how to make a garden and how to fertilize it and how to aerate the soil. He took me fishing and taught me how to cook freestyle. That is like when you figure out how to put together what you have on hand and make a meal out of it. That was the best life lesson for me on cooking.  Using and making do with what you have…not making a list of a bunch of items you need to make one meal. When you are not wealthy or your having a rough time being able to make a meal of sorts out of what you have is wonderful knowledge to have!! now I am a tomboy and cooking and being in the kitchen is not my thing but this was invaluable information that did help me later in life.

During the summer months we would go spend some time on the farm in Warrensburg. Loved and hated those summers. We did a lot of hard labor but it taught us work ethic. I loved that we bailed, bucked and stacked hay. the smaller square bails not the large round ones they have these days. My sister would learn to can in the kitchen with grandma while I helped grandpa out outside the house. We used to mow the more that acre yard with a push mower. Oh those hot summer days…I wonder if this is why I love being outdoors so much these days. Oddly enough I would rather be outside in the hot summer heat than inside.

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Chapter 2

Let’s see if I can remember stuff from 1st grade to 4th grade…

We lived in several places. There was a house I remember in Springfield, my grand parents farm in Warrensburg and a trailer in Warrensburg also the my step grand parents place in Arkansas. I know we lived other places but I do not remember them. I barely remember bits and pieces of these. Out of these I remember bits and pieces of school but not a whole lot.  But I will tell you what parts I do remember. I hope I get the timelines right but these are all things that happened in  my life from my own point of view from the ages of 6 to 9 or 10.

I remember living on Calhoun street in Springfield. Went to 2 different schools while we lived in that house. (Boyd and Berry) While at Boyd I remember my sister (who was 2 years older than me) got stripped butt naked by some older girls jealous over the fact that her boobs had already come in. I was a ton skinnier that her but I had to block to get her home. Another incident that happened was to me this time…A sixth grader lifted me up and let me go but the issue was that she lifted me over the back part of the desk chair. Legs on either side so when I fell my crotch landed on the back of the seat. I was wearing a white dress that day and I ended up being damaged and was bleeding bad enough that I had to go to the hospital. First experience of having someone looking closely at my private parts.

We used to go to a park nearby and get fed and do crafts like macramé. I remember the hamburgers and milk we used to get. I loved those programs. With kids always hanging at the park it brought out the weirdos and that brings me 2 different memories… First there was this guy that used to stand right inside the doorways to the bathrooms (before there was an actual door put on those entrances) and he would have is pants down to flash all of us kids his junk.  And one time while walking home from the park I was stopped by a car asking if I knew a girl and as I walked closer to his car I noticed he was masturbating. I was a very lucky girl that I was not snatched up by one of these perverts.

We were members of a Pentecostal church on National. I best friend was Cindy. Her mom and my mom were friends and we would frequently spend the night with each other and our families would spend holidays together. We read the bible together and we both finished reading the entire bible during the time we were in Sunday school together. I got a pink bible with purple lettering on it. Cindy’s family had some great dane dogs 3 or 4 I think. I just remember they were very large. Isn’t it odd that I can remember my address on Calhoun and her address on Texas but I hardly remember anything else.

While living on Calhoun my mother was married to my little brothers dad. He was not a very nice man. He once made me drink a large glass of alka seltzer. Not sure why but I had to finish the entire glass. I threw it up shortly after. He also made my sister and I give him dirty kisses at bedtime. Then one day when we got up there was a butcher knife stuck in the middle of the kitchen table and my mom was gone and my sister was shipped off to stay with my moms parents and I was shipped off to stay with my brother and my step grandparents in Arkansas. (I have always resented that I was sent to those people they were not my blood and they treated me as such)

So for the next school year I lived with my step grandparents. It was ok but there was a couple of moments…I had to cut my hair to keep her happy and this one time when my brother wanted to me to play with him and I said no I didn’t feel like it. Well, I got my butt paddled until it was bruised. (Just for not wanting to play with my little brother) Maybe I had a tone in my voice or something? I don’t know,,,I just know he is almost 5 years younger than me and I did not want to play with him and got paddled for it. I was about 7 years old. We would pick corn from the corn fields and then we would sit and shuck the corn and grandma would cut the corn off of the cob. I was not thrilled too much about all of this but I did learn a thing or two.

My next set of memories is us living in Warrensburg…Part of it was at my grandma and grandpas and part was at some trailer that my mom rented. School was a country school and wasn’t very big. Multiple grades in one classroom. I loved living on the farm best of all of the places I lived. I loved being outside. I loved roaming the fields and riding my bike around the large country block on the dirt roads. I used to carry a coin purse that I had shoved cabbage leaves and other vegetables in to snack on thoughout the day. I know I was an odd child but I truly enjoyed most vegetables at that time. Still do!

During this time my mom was dating a fireman and he good to all of us kids. We loved him. HE was a very nice man that treated us and our mom well. He even took us to Worlds of Fun. He bought me a red pleather jacket that I just loved! We used to go fishing with him at our grandparents pond.

We always had fun at my grandparents house. We got play with our cousins Becky, Timmy and Jeffy. I don’t know if they are really my cousins or if they were cousins by marriage to my uncle Butch but when their mom left my uncle I never saw my cousins again. I have no love for my uncle Butch…when I was 8 we were living in a trailer in Warrensburg and he came and stayed with us. I used to just love uncle Butch until this one night.  We stayed up one night watching tv when he started to ask me questions about my private area. He wanted to take a look at it. He pulled down my underwear and sat me on the are of the couch and kneeled down to look at it. He asked me if any one had ever looked at it or had ever touched it. I sheepishly responded “no” he then proceeded to lick my private area until I squirmed. After that I went to my moms room and woke her up and told her what happened. She told me to go to bed and she would deal with it in the morning. Nothing was ever done about it. I didn’t understand why I had to continue to be around him at every family gathering. But I just figured my mom didn’t believe me and that was that. (At this point I have the understanding that my mom was on medication and she was prone to sleep talk and sleep doing a lot of things and says she has no remembrance of that conversation)

I am realizing that I truly do not remember much of my childhood. I am sitting here trying to remember anything from age 9…The only thing I have come up with is a fleeting moment with that fireman that my mom dated when he took us to Worlds of Fun. I do not remember that day just that we went there. I only remember that red pleather jacket that I received after that.  The next thing I remember is my mom moving us back to Springfield and us living with my church friends dad as he and my mom were now together. I didn’t even know they were even dating. `

Chapter 1

When I was a young child we lived on an Air Force base in California. (Where my little brother John was born). We had a set of Siamese cats. (They were very mean) I really do not remember much about my childhood but this is my earliest memories of my life so I figured this would be a good place to start.

I cannot remember the rooms at our place on base. I do not remember what my bedroom looked like or even if I shared a room with my sister. It is strange what our minds remembers and does not remember. I personally do not know why my mind in particular remembers the things it does. But these are my memories of my life. I am wracking my brain to remember when each took place but some of it is jumbled. I do not remember what school went to for which grade so some memories are mixed up. Until I hit the 5th grade we moved around so much that I only remember one house and the homes of my 2 sets of grandparents that I knew about. My mothers parents and my step-dads parents. I really do not remember the birth of my little brother and I only have a fleeting memory of those 2 cats clawing at me and chasing me around (and not in a fun and playful way).

My earliest memory is that I used to sneak vegetables as snacks instead of sweets and this one time I had gone and snuck a piece of celery. What makes it a funny memory is I was about 5 and I was hiding behind my mothers chair eating it and couldn’t figure out she knew that I was even there.

The only other memory I have of that time was my older sister Debbie and I were at the play area on base. There were other kids there I do not remember them…we were playing and running around and an older kid (teenager) or young man (late teens or early 20’s) came into the play area and threatened all of us with a pretty big knife. We all took off running and my sister and I ran home. When we got home my mother wanted us to run next door to borrow a cup of sugar. We were screaming that there was a bad man after us and she laughed at us and said there were no bad men where we were and demanded us to go next door to get that cup of sugar. We did and we survived but I was so scared and mad at mom for not believing us.  It gave me some anxieties my mother not believing us and making us go out there where we could be killed.

Short chapter in my life but this all I remember from the base in California.

 

 

Keep your head up…

I have busted my butt for many many years. I love the company I work for and live my job. But, sometimes you but your butt for a company and they take advantage or neglect to even notice all the hard work you do for them. I have been with this company for 18 plus years…and I generally just let things slide and roll off my back but recently I was compared to another manager just like myself within the company as we were equals and I stood up for myself saying that we were not equals although we are both part of the same team. And we are…we are all part of a big team. But my knowledge about our industry and abilities within our industry is far greater than that of the other manager and I stated this. 

I am not trying to be arrogant. Although it usually doesn’t go over well when a woman stands up and states that her worth is greater than she is being given credit for. I know my self worth although I do not normally say anything I feel that I should stand up for myself.

I was right! 

The owner is finally taking notice. Confidence is all people need. It took a lot for me to actually say anything. For years I have been told how I was as good as other people and although I knew that I was better than some I was afraid to say anything. I didn’t want to seem arrogant or cocky. I didn’t say anything with attitude or anger. I was confident and matter of fact about what I said. Like he should have known. It has helped and I am even happier at my job than I was before. I didn’t think that could happe. But it has.

You have to stand up for you! If you don’t then know one else will. 

The never ending menstrual cycle…

So I am peri menopausal and life has thrown me some curve balls. Not sure where to begin. It has been a while since I posted.

Last fall I realized I was going into the peri menopausal stage in my life and I was excited. I was so ready to not have my period for months at a time if not ever again. 

Mother Nature had other plans for me. I am not sure why except for me to share my story with others. 

May 20th started alike any other cycle I have ever had. Some spotting and then the next day the Flo began. But this time it didn’t stop at day 4-7. It just continued on like I had not had one in years. But because I was going through peri menopause I did not freak out. But at about day 30 I put a call into my Dr in hopes to have a brief conversation with her. This to me is very personal and I didn’t want a tag team call after call going on and I did relay that when I left the message for her to call me back. But I got a call back from someone I did not know. I again strongly expressed my need to talk directly to my doctor. I was told that was not possible and I hung up and cried. 

So I just figured I have an appointment at the end of July I would just struggle through it until then.

On day 55 I called back and talked to a nurse that I knew and told her that I wanted the doctor to add a couple of tests to the bloodwork I was already having don’t the week before my appointment. All of my hormone levels and my iron level. I was an emotional wreck having had some form of bleeding wether it was spotting or a going through an extra absorbant pad every hour with only 1 day off now in days shy of 2 months. 

She granted the iron test (which came back as me being anemic-shocker)  but not the hormones and referred me to a specialist. This is where it gets more interesting. Now that appointment isn’t until August 9th. But I did get a 2 week reprieve at day 60. But then it started all over again. 

I was not just anemic but on the verge of needing a blood transfusion anemic. That shocked me. What has shocked everyone is what I do and how many hours I worked during these times. I am a manager at a dry cleaners  and it was a very long hot summer. We had people that got other jobs and some that had no choice but to leave us to take care of loved ones. But in between hiring new people and training them I was working positions for those on vacations. Temps in the pressing areas can get and were for most of the summer upwards of 100 to 115 degrees. We have fans at every station and we supply cold bottled water for everyone. Plus I work on average 12-14 hours a day Monday through Friday. And I never passed out. I felt like it a bunch of times but somehow I just kept telling myself that I am the manager I cannot lol weak to my employees or my boss no matter what. So I would smile and keep moving.

Then I finally made it to the specialist appointment. I was ready and I had researched this and had my plan all set out. Or so I thought…

There are so many options out there for people that have a mentrual cycle that lasts for a long time especially if you are no longer planning to have children. That increases your options. But these options not for everyone.

The IUD is great if you no longer wish to have a period. With this option you could have the IUD removed if you do wish to have children again. For me this was not an option. My mother has had breast cancer and people with close family members that have had breast cancer or cervical cancer or ovarian cancer are not good candidates for this option. HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or any options that include hormones increases your odds of getting cancer as well. So this was ruled out very quickly for me.

Ablagation … This option is where the inside lining of the uterus is burned. There are a couple of ways to achieve this.  This option was ruled out for me because my uterus was too large from my 3 previous births. 

So I was left with hysterectomy. Where they remove the uterus and Fallopian tubes. Sometimes the cervix is removed as well. I had all but the ovaries removed. There is the surgical where the give you a pretty good scar opening you wide up to do the work. Takes a long time to recover from this. Laparoscopic which reduces the healing time and the scar. This is where they inflate your abdominal cavity with a gas to make the visibility better for the doctor. A few small incisions for the tools and a camera. I had this but was robotic assisted. Called davinci hysterectomy.

I must say that my recovery was much quicker and easier than I ever imagined. It was outpatient surgery. Within 2 days I was no longer taking my pain medications. Within a week I felt awesome. Although the hard part is…you feel great but you still have limitations. You cannot be doing any heavy lifting and for the recovery to fully take you have to abide by this rule. If you don’t it could spell trouble for you now or maybe even later down the road. This part has been very hard for me. But I have been obeying this rule because I cannot afford any setbacks…I am a workaholic you see. 

Life happens…

So my intentions were  to do this blog and I will finish the peri menopause list because I am actually living it. But to be completely honest I work between 60 and 70 hours a week Monday through Friday. I do have my weekends off but I need to let my husband know that I exist. Lol

Right now a day in my life is like a roller coaster for me. I do not know what is coming next. (Don’t get me wrong I love roller coasters and no one knows what is coming next)  What I am talking about is how I might react today to something will not be the way I act to the same thing tomorrow.  

Today I was out of my mind…I mean it was like watching someone I didn’t know. Then I think to myself is this what I have become? This angry emotional crazy person??? 

This transition has been very rough. I have been doing my research and have come up with a plan for myself. After I finish the symptoms I will let you know what my plan is. 

I wrote this a little over 7 months ago and here it sat in my draft section. 

And it has not gotten much easier the past 7 months. I will explain on next post.

Politics….should not be a bad reference.

The political season is upon us and I for one am tired of being a pawn in their smear campaigns. I don’t even know what they stand for unless I go online and research it. Because all they do is bad mouth each other on the commercials. I DVR and rush through the commercials because I do not want to hear it. They waist millions of not more on tv!!! (No one wants to see that) You would think they would have gotten that by now. But sadly for all of us they have not.

Our country was built on honesty. The people we put into office should be trusted. But it has become so corrupt. We need to get rid of all of them. Start over and make a few more rules for those in office.

1) Term limit for all politicians. No more than 2 terms for any person in office. Too much time in office appears to make for complacent and lazy. And the longer in office seem to be more easily bought off and are less concerned for the people they represent.

2) No more lobbyist. That is very very corrupt. Politicians make so much side money that what we pay them means nothing. They are not voting the way we would want them to because they pay more. 

3) Bring to the people what you want to vote on in session. Advertise the issues and let us decide and then vote our way and if you don’t you get ousted immediately. Remember you are there to represent your people not yourself. We should actually think about popular vote on all items and reduce the amount of politicians on the payroll.

4) No more earmarks on any bill. The bill is only about one subject and nothing gets put in there about any other subject. That shit is rediculous!! Tricky and wrong on so many levels. I cannot believe you have gotten away with this shit for so long!!!

5) NO MORE NEGATIVE CAMPAIGNS! We are so sick and tired of hearing the bad things about your opponent. How about only clean campaign. Win it on what you stand for. Not what bad thing your opponent might have done 10 years a ago. I do not care. What do you stand for. Where do you stand on important issues. 

6)  When you leave office … You leave office. We do not continue to pay you for the rest of your life. Go back to work and become a part of the regular civilian population again. It is expected of our military that see ungodly things in order to protect all of us so why not the politicians as well. 

7) Your pay is to be based on your productivity while in office. How many votes did you attend? You only get paid for those you attend. How many days were you in your office working? You only get paid for those days you actually work. Maybe more work for the people will happen if this was in place now. The people would be amazed at how many politicians actually showed up for every vote on bills that takes place. 

8) No more divisions… In other words …no more democrats or republicans or independents. How about “you were hired by the people and you stand for the people that you represent of the United States. Not the divided states.”

We should be a united country with different opinions. Which we are all entitled to. And the most popular opinion wins on each item up for vote. 

These rules should apply to all offices from town to city to state to country. From mayors to representatives to senators to president. Every aspect of running this country. 

This would be my wish for this country to move forward for the people not the big companies that run it now. 

Oh and to run this country you should be born in this country and have served this country in some fashion. And serving in the military should trump all else with an honorable discharge of course.

Thank you to all who have served and are serving currently. You are all awesome and I for one appreciate what you have done and are doing to protect myself as well as everyone else in this country!!!! You are the heroes!!!!