Chapter 5

We start on high school…lets see what I remember.

Once again I do not remember my first day. I was in orchestra still and ran track. I had no other extra curricular activities. I tried out for the drum and bugle corp but I did not make it. Life in high school was a whole different ball game. I was more into boys but still dressing in jeans and t-shirts and add a ball cap. (which I had to take off in class as well so hat hair applied to me as well) I carried my pens and pencils in my back pocket.

I had several boyfriends throughout high school. The boy I really liked was just a friend and I think this is all he saw me as. I think I was looking for someone to fill a void in my life. I just needed to have someone in my life at all times. Not sure how different my life would have been if I could have been happy in my own skin and being just by myself.

I thought I had friends in high school but as I went through school I realized they were not really my friends. If I could go back and redo high school I am not sure if I would. It wasn’t much fun for me. But if I knew then what I know now…I could probably change how it went.  My sister didn’t even acknowledge being related to me.
(We were total opposites)  I had people in all different clicks that I talked to so I didn’t actually belong to any click or group. I was in orchestra 2 out of the 4 years and in track as well. I was not the best at either but it was something for me to do. I enjoyed track…I ran the distance heats.

As far as the schooling part. I enjoyed the math (except geometry) and sciences. I hated history and most English classes (although I am big on correct spelling). I loved my grammar and composition class. I do not remember all of the rules for writing and how to create paragraphs and such. If I do happen to misspell some words I do apologize up front. I also really enjoyed wood shop! I love to make things.  I seemed to enjoy all the things that were more fit for boys than girls. I also did not like dressing like a girl too often. Every once in a while I liked to feel pretty but I just didn’t feel pretty. I guess in todays times that would be considered I think being gender fluid. I could relate both ways and felt more like a boy on some days and some times felt more like a girl. In those days it was called being a tomboy. Although I always knew I was a girl I just didn’t like doing girly things.

The girls in high school used to love to torment me. One girl used to try to challenge me to fights. She would tell me to meet her after school and I would find a way out where she wasn’t at. I did not want to fight anyone. I had girls that would call me names in the hallway and then tell a teacher that I called them the name and I would be the one in the principles office. Rumors that I was easy went through the school…not sure if that was the girls or the boys but wasn’t easy for me. The first person I had sex with was the first man I married. But high school is all about being social with the right people. If you were not one of those people you were an outcast. I felt like one of those by the school kids teachers and my own family. I felt alone but put on a smile and kept trying. I am not close with any of the people I went to school with. I am Facebook friends with some of the people from school. But I do not hang out with any of them outside of that.

In between my freshman and sophomore year I was walking home from a friend’s house and was pulled into al alley and raped by 2 black guys. I do not know who they were and I never saw them again. But it did have some effect on me…of course. I did not tell my mom or any other family members. I just dealt with it internally. The reason I did not tell my mom was because I didn’t think she would do anything about it…only because she didn’t do anything about what my uncle did. Again… I didn’t know at this time that she did not even remember the conversation we had that night I just thought she didn’t care.(this fact caused a lot of issues with my relationship with my mother)

If high school isn’t hard enough having a strained relationship with your mother makes it even harder. My mother worked a lot of hours and went to school…first to get her LPN and then to get her RN. (As an adult I know how hard that was) As a child that made me feel even more unwanted than before. She would bring in her friends to live with us and she would spend all her free time with them and we were shoved completely out-of-the-way most of the time. The attention I did get was not good. I got grounded a lot…most of the time for things I didn’t even do. Some times it was for things I did do and probably deserved it.  But there were instances that I didn’t do what I was accused of doing and was willing to supply proof and she wouldn’t listen to me. She would take the word of a friend’s daughter that doesn’t even know me over mine. That was hard to take and just made me more of an angry teenager. She also favored my older sister…so anything that was between us I was the one that was in trouble. (I would learn in my 40’s that my older sister had the same name as the child my mother gave up for adoption when she was 14 or 15) It just feels like everything was stacked against me growing up and I feel I came through it pretty well.

There was this time when I went to a convenience store to get something cannot remember what I went to get at this point. As I was leaving there was this guy asking for directions and I was trying to help him out and he asked if I wanted a ride toward my house as a thank you and then when he would let me out at my street I would give him directions from there to get him where he needed to go. I was young and still very naïve and he was not too old and didn’t look dangerous…well I agreed. When we got to my street I told him but he did not stop. I felt panic at that point and at the light there was a car stopped and he had to stop. when he did I jumped out. I forgot to grab the bag of stuff I got at the convenience store. I think about what could have happened if that car had not been stopped at that light. Plus to top it off my mother got mad at me for losing or miss spending the money she sent with me. (she thought I made up the story because I used the money of candy and junk for myself)

I tried to get away by getting married between my junior and senior year of high school. I was 16 and I guess she was ready to get rid of me too because she had to sign for me to get married and she did so. Yes I was way too young and had no idea what I was getting into. He was not the nicest of people after we got married. (But he of course isn’t the only person to change getting married) It was a very short marriage and although it is on the books I really do not count it. I count it as a life learning experience. People can be so cruel. He was physically abusive and a cheater. When I left he took my grandmothers gift of 12 person place setting of dishes that was hers and broke all but one piece of everything. I could not ever apologize to my family enough. I was divorced and back to living with that woman 7 months after I got out. More rules than before. Life was so sweet! Yes that was sarcasm…I should have been grateful she allowed me to move back in. But it was rougher…she had more love and respect for the people she pulled off the street and gave a home to than her own child. I didn’t have children with him and I am thankful for that. I just wish I had learned that people lie and are not always who they say and show they are. But I am a stubborn person and I always try to think the best of people…(don’t know how).

I did graduate although we had to wait and see if I passed my sophomore history class that I had to take a second time. Which I did…I love history more now. I think it was more the way we had to learn it. I hate books and having knowledge shoved into my head that way. I hate to read, I love listening to books on tape. I have to re read a paragraph 3 and 4 times and still ask myself what I just read. I soak it up better when I can flood my ears with the information otherwise my mind drifts onto other things.

Look I know high school isn’t easy for a lot of people and I do not know their stories. I only know mine. And I really hated high school and really would not want to go back unless I absolutely knew what I know now before heading into that first day. But then I probably wouldn’t have the 3 children and grandchildren I have now. So… no if I had done this and if I had done that then life would be better….because I do not know for sure that things would have turned out any better if I had made a different choice at any given moment. So I am grateful for the life I do have at this very moment. Although I do work way too many hours and I am looking for ways to cut back on that. But then again I have been saying that for years. So I need to try harder and trust that others will take care of things when I am not there.

I may come back and edit this one if I come up with more memories from high school.

Thank you all!

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Chapter 4

So I move on to junior high school. I remember the school and basics of these 2 years but trying to remember names of a lot of people and details of day to day life is not so easy. I still do not understand why but I will write what I can…

I do not remember the fist day of junior high school but I remember some of my classes especially orchestra. I wasn’t the best violin player but I did enjoy it. At some point pretty early on we were asked to volunteer to play the string bass. I volunteered and was put in a room with book and a bass. I was given the basics and since I already knew about playing a string instrument I was left to my own devices. It took a few weeks before I rejoined the rest of the orchestra. I did enjoy it. By the second year I was in the youth string orchestra… top players of all the junior high school students. It was a way of getting away from my regular life and do something I was proud of.

I also ran track. I was a distance runner…mile, 2 mile, mile relay and the 2 mile relay. I wasn’t the best but I did my best and really enjoyed it. I also did basketball for either 7th or 8th grade…I do not remember. I was on the B team…again I wasn’t the best but I tried. I was trying to find ways to be out of my house and doing something structured. I also tried out for the cheerleaders but I wasn’t in the girly popular crowd so that was a no go.

I took a home economics class. I learned to sew in this class…that I still do to this day. It was helpful for what ended up being a part of my longest career choice so it was a plus in my life. I made a skirt and a book bag. I cannot say I learned to cook there…my step dad taught me how to cook. He was instrumental in my ability to do just about anything in life. He taught me just about everything that would be useful in my life. Step dads are much more valuable than they are given credit for. (at least the good ones…there are bad ones too)

I had some friends in junior high school although I only remember a few names and only 1st names for all but a few of them. It started to become more clear in junior high school that I was more of a tomboy than a girly girl. I was much more interested in jeans and t-shirts and playing sports with the boys than to wear makeup and skirts. I was interested in boys not girls but didn’t feel the need to doll myself up. I wanted the boys to like me for me. I have always hated being fake. What I find interesting is the boyfriend I had through junior high school was my neighbor and he would figure out later that he liked boys…So not sure what to think about that. I wish him all the happiness in the world but does make me wonder about the whole tomboy aspect of that.

During the summers (when I wasn’t at my grandparents farm working) my step dad and I would do a garden and raise rabbits for food. The first time I had to kill a rabbit I was to hit it in the head with a hammer. I didn’t hit it hard enough and it started squealing and going in circles. I had to grab it and hit it again. (that was very hard for me) But I survived and I never had to hit one twice again. When I went to gut it I found some babies in her. So I grabbed a dropper and some towels and nursed them. 2 of the 3 survived.  We raised them to eat them later. He also took me fishing and taught me how to be a lead on a John boat going down a river and navigating the rapids. We used the rabbit manure for the garden. (Best fertilizer I have ever used) We would spend a lot of time at the 80 acres his family owned north of town. I loved this land. I think those 80 acres gave me a refuge from life. I loved walking in those woods. I used to sneak out there and just walk the woods when I needed to think and get away from my life.

In the fall my step dad would take me to the 80 acres to pick persimmons and to did sassafras roots for tea. That is my favorite tea of all time… he would give me swig or two of apricot or blackberry brandy just to keep me warm. It would get pretty chilly out there. Never got me drunk or anything like that so don’t get any ideas on that. My mother and I never got along and my dad was vacant in my life so he was the adult I connected with. I am glad that he taught me what he did during my formidable years. All girls need to learn a few things so they are not dependent on anyone for anything.

I did have an 8th grade graduation party to try and get more friends before we went to high school. A few people showed up but it just wasn’t my thing. I had fun but sucking up to people was not something I was comfortable doing. I wanted the boys to like me but couldn’t bring myself to be more girly to do it. I am not weak and cannot play weak to win a boy over. Made my life difficult but well adversity makes people stronger in life.

If I remember correctly it was during these 2 years of school that I met my biological. I last saw him when I was about 2 or 3 maybe. Either way I didn’t remember him. I found out that my sister had been in touch with that side of my family the whole time. I never saw any of the birthday cards or anything. Being that I had a strained relationship with my mother I was vulnerable to any sort of affection from him. I had fun during that visit. Asked for him to get custody of me even my sister went along. His wife Donna was so nice to me and I loved the way she was with my brother that I had never met. I was so hopeful just to be sent back to my mom. Dad did not fight for me and he just sent me gifts after that. Money does not buy love. So both of my parents didn’t want me and it made me feel alone. I did like the thought of the large family I had on my dads side. They were all so close and I didn’t have that in my life. It was like a slow torture…

I think this is why I was so attached to my step father. He showed interest in me and my life. He showed me parental love and taught  me like a parent does. It was also during this time that I called my step dad “dad” in the middle of a conversation with my step-sister while we were cooking in the kitchen. BIG MISTAKE! Next thing I know there is a butcher knife stuck in the wall beside my head. She threw it at me… needless to say I never called him dad again after that. I am sure she wouldn’t mind at this point but after that I was respectful of her feelings and never did it again.

Chapter 3

So now we have hit close to 5th grade.

The summer between 4th and 5th grade we were moved to Springfield and we were moved to the upstairs of a house where a girl Paula and her parents lived. I became friends with Paula as she was my age and we would play together. I was quite upset that mom was no longer with Bill the fireman and was with my best friends dad. This was not good for me at all. My friend was blaming my mom for breaking up her family. I don’t blame her I would have felt the same way…I kind of blamed him for breaking up my mom and Bill. So.. but she blamed me as well or at least took it out on me for a long while. Eventually it got better but that was very rough.

We would finally get out of the cramped upstairs area in this house and get a house for us to live in. We moved to chase street and I lived in this house until I was old enough well sorta old enough to move out. (that is another chapter later).

So this is where I remember my first teacher…Mrs. Macioci. I loved her!! She was a great teacher and got me into tumbling. I really enjoyed that. I remember 3 friends from 5th and 6th grade. Kerry, her brother Clint and James. I do not remember the names of anyone else off the top of my head. I am sure I would remember people if I looked at a year book of sorts from that time but just off the top of my head that is it.

6th grade was the most beautiful teacher I have ever known of. She had long dark brown hair that reminded me of the original Wonder Woman. Mrs. Sanders. She was beautiful inside and out. She was an awesome teacher. There would be only 2 other teachers that would affect me as much as her. (again that is a later chapter)

So during 5th and 6th grade I would make friends with my next door neighbors and we would ride our bikes and explore the train tracks behind our house and the hill beside that that goes into the train yard. It was like a mini wooded area with pathways and big rocks and such for exploration. The tracks directly behind our house were for storing cars it wasn’t a throughway for the trains. We would play at the school playground and ride all over the neighborhood. Clint and Kerry were great friends and we had a lot of fun together.

I do remember that there was an eclipse during this time. We had to make boxes to look at the eclipse. That was so long ago but I remember having to find a shoebox for this project. I felt so special that this had happened in my lifetime and that I got to see and be a part of it.

My moms boyfriend and her got married during this time and he started to teach me a lot of things. I learned how to make a garden and how to fertilize it and how to aerate the soil. He took me fishing and taught me how to cook freestyle. That is like when you figure out how to put together what you have on hand and make a meal out of it. That was the best life lesson for me on cooking.  Using and making do with what you have…not making a list of a bunch of items you need to make one meal. When you are not wealthy or your having a rough time being able to make a meal of sorts out of what you have is wonderful knowledge to have!! now I am a tomboy and cooking and being in the kitchen is not my thing but this was invaluable information that did help me later in life.

During the summer months we would go spend some time on the farm in Warrensburg. Loved and hated those summers. We did a lot of hard labor but it taught us work ethic. I loved that we bailed, bucked and stacked hay. the smaller square bails not the large round ones they have these days. My sister would learn to can in the kitchen with grandma while I helped grandpa out outside the house. We used to mow the more that acre yard with a push mower. Oh those hot summer days…I wonder if this is why I love being outdoors so much these days. Oddly enough I would rather be outside in the hot summer heat than inside.

Chapter 2

Let’s see if I can remember stuff from 1st grade to 4th grade…

We lived in several places. There was a house I remember in Springfield, my grand parents farm in Warrensburg and a trailer in Warrensburg also the my step grand parents place in Arkansas. I know we lived other places but I do not remember them. I barely remember bits and pieces of these. Out of these I remember bits and pieces of school but not a whole lot.  But I will tell you what parts I do remember. I hope I get the timelines right but these are all things that happened in  my life from my own point of view from the ages of 6 to 9 or 10.

I remember living on Calhoun street in Springfield. Went to 2 different schools while we lived in that house. (Boyd and Berry) While at Boyd I remember my sister (who was 2 years older than me) got stripped butt naked by some older girls jealous over the fact that her boobs had already come in. I was a ton skinnier that her but I had to block to get her home. Another incident that happened was to me this time…A sixth grader lifted me up and let me go but the issue was that she lifted me over the back part of the desk chair. Legs on either side so when I fell my crotch landed on the back of the seat. I was wearing a white dress that day and I ended up being damaged and was bleeding bad enough that I had to go to the hospital. First experience of having someone looking closely at my private parts.

We used to go to a park nearby and get fed and do crafts like macramé. I remember the hamburgers and milk we used to get. I loved those programs. With kids always hanging at the park it brought out the weirdos and that brings me 2 different memories… First there was this guy that used to stand right inside the doorways to the bathrooms (before there was an actual door put on those entrances) and he would have is pants down to flash all of us kids his junk.  And one time while walking home from the park I was stopped by a car asking if I knew a girl and as I walked closer to his car I noticed he was masturbating. I was a very lucky girl that I was not snatched up by one of these perverts.

We were members of a Pentecostal church on National. I best friend was Cindy. Her mom and my mom were friends and we would frequently spend the night with each other and our families would spend holidays together. We read the bible together and we both finished reading the entire bible during the time we were in Sunday school together. I got a pink bible with purple lettering on it. Cindy’s family had some great dane dogs 3 or 4 I think. I just remember they were very large. Isn’t it odd that I can remember my address on Calhoun and her address on Texas but I hardly remember anything else.

While living on Calhoun my mother was married to my little brothers dad. He was not a very nice man. He once made me drink a large glass of alka seltzer. Not sure why but I had to finish the entire glass. I threw it up shortly after. He also made my sister and I give him dirty kisses at bedtime. Then one day when we got up there was a butcher knife stuck in the middle of the kitchen table and my mom was gone and my sister was shipped off to stay with my moms parents and I was shipped off to stay with my brother and my step grandparents in Arkansas. (I have always resented that I was sent to those people they were not my blood and they treated me as such)

So for the next school year I lived with my step grandparents. It was ok but there was a couple of moments…I had to cut my hair to keep her happy and this one time when my brother wanted to me to play with him and I said no I didn’t feel like it. Well, I got my butt paddled until it was bruised. (Just for not wanting to play with my little brother) Maybe I had a tone in my voice or something? I don’t know,,,I just know he is almost 5 years younger than me and I did not want to play with him and got paddled for it. I was about 7 years old. We would pick corn from the corn fields and then we would sit and shuck the corn and grandma would cut the corn off of the cob. I was not thrilled too much about all of this but I did learn a thing or two.

My next set of memories is us living in Warrensburg…Part of it was at my grandma and grandpas and part was at some trailer that my mom rented. School was a country school and wasn’t very big. Multiple grades in one classroom. I loved living on the farm best of all of the places I lived. I loved being outside. I loved roaming the fields and riding my bike around the large country block on the dirt roads. I used to carry a coin purse that I had shoved cabbage leaves and other vegetables in to snack on thoughout the day. I know I was an odd child but I truly enjoyed most vegetables at that time. Still do!

During this time my mom was dating a fireman and he good to all of us kids. We loved him. HE was a very nice man that treated us and our mom well. He even took us to Worlds of Fun. He bought me a red pleather jacket that I just loved! We used to go fishing with him at our grandparents pond.

We always had fun at my grandparents house. We got play with our cousins Becky, Timmy and Jeffy. I don’t know if they are really my cousins or if they were cousins by marriage to my uncle Butch but when their mom left my uncle I never saw my cousins again. I have no love for my uncle Butch…when I was 8 we were living in a trailer in Warrensburg and he came and stayed with us. I used to just love uncle Butch until this one night.  We stayed up one night watching tv when he started to ask me questions about my private area. He wanted to take a look at it. He pulled down my underwear and sat me on the are of the couch and kneeled down to look at it. He asked me if any one had ever looked at it or had ever touched it. I sheepishly responded “no” he then proceeded to lick my private area until I squirmed. After that I went to my moms room and woke her up and told her what happened. She told me to go to bed and she would deal with it in the morning. Nothing was ever done about it. I didn’t understand why I had to continue to be around him at every family gathering. But I just figured my mom didn’t believe me and that was that. (At this point I have the understanding that my mom was on medication and she was prone to sleep talk and sleep doing a lot of things and says she has no remembrance of that conversation)

I am realizing that I truly do not remember much of my childhood. I am sitting here trying to remember anything from age 9…The only thing I have come up with is a fleeting moment with that fireman that my mom dated when he took us to Worlds of Fun. I do not remember that day just that we went there. I only remember that red pleather jacket that I received after that.  The next thing I remember is my mom moving us back to Springfield and us living with my church friends dad as he and my mom were now together. I didn’t even know they were even dating. `

Crazier things have NOT happened.

So I am not sure at this point what is going on in my mothers head. She is now listening at the door of my daughters room. No privacy…. The other night my daughter put her girls to bed and her girlfriend had brought her some wine. She had a rough day…and they had gone to bed planning on cleaning the kitchen in the morning. 

So my mom procedes to pull my daughter to the side as she got home from work and have this conversation with her.

My mom “Honey, my dog woke me up at about 1 in the morning last night. When I got to the kitchen it was still a mess. I was worried that something was wrong so I started towards your room and heard some noises. I almost knocked on the door but I just wasn’t sure if you were in pain or if you were having great lesbian sex.”

My daughter “Well grandma, as you can see I am just fine and I was not in any pain.” Hoping that would be enough she started to walk away. But no, my mother was not yet done.

My mother “So I walked back into the kitchen and cleaned up some of the dishes and again heard some noises from your room. I wasn’t sure if it was you in pain so I walked to your room and listened for a bit just to make sure you were ok.  Now I do not know if it was you or your girlfriend but at this point I was sure that you were not in pain, just having great lesbian sex.”  “So I went back to my bedroom and told your grandpa that you were fine just having great lesbian sex.” 

My daughter of course is just flabbergasted and is not sure what to say. She walks away to inform her girlfriend that her grandmother had eavesdropped during their shenanigans. And she was not sure how to handle that. Especially since my mother tends to wait outside the bathroom when my fighters girlfriend takes a shower. She has heard her scratch at the door trying to get her attention. So she tends to sit and wait until she hears my mother walk to the other room and then runs back to the bedroom. 

There seems to be nothing off limits to my mother. But I also must say…my children are very open with me about their “shenanigans ” sometimes to the point of TMI. But if I so much and mention mine and their dads they are done. Too funny. I tend to play on that just to mess with them. And then just laugh…

I am glad I have an open relationship with my children. But they really do not want to have that same type of relationship with their grandmother. It is just very awkward for them. She of course sees nothing wrong with it.

 To be honest we think my mother has a crush on my daughters girlfriend. They way she is always trying to message her and rub her legs and stuff. Kinda creepy. But maybe she is just way too lonely. Whatever her reasons are it really makes those 2 girls uncomfortable to be around her and try to make mad dashes from their room the the bathroom and back. Or dashing straight to the front door to leave. 

I love my mother but she really needs to be given some boundaries. I am sure she is going to start asking for details on how all that works. So I told my daughter to just put in a video and say watch and learn. The. Walk away. Lol Now that is a look on my mothers face I would like to see…but not actually be there for the inquisition of questions about what she was watching. 

Crazy mom and grandmother

Yep that’s mine and a lot of other family’s. So lets get the show on the road with stories of the kind of some crazy things that mine are capable of.

My mother (bless her heart) is a little on the crazy side. She was an RN. My daughter is currently living with her with her 3 daughters and her girlfriend visits on the days she doesn’t work. It is a long distance relationship right now. Anyways my daughter is getting on her feet and staying with my mother and my mother has been asking a lot of questions about girl on girl intimacy and what that was all about. My married mother was getting into conversations with my daughter and her grand daughter about sex… and my daughter really doesn’t want to discuss sex with her grandmother. But she insists on the convos. My mother even goes into conversations with her girlfriend about this stuff. She gets uncomfortable with it too. My mother just met this girl about a month ago. But nothing is off limits for my mother. So my daughter is in the medical field as an aide. Her girlfriend is also in the medical field. Now mind you that nothing is off limits for my mother…heck she dropped her drawers (pants) for the UPS guy to show him the bruises on her legs…has asked my daughter to do things that yes aides and medical people do. But most people do not want to do these types of things to their able walking grandmother. My mother never texted and my daughter got a text actually several texts begging for help from my mother and when you get the text help from an older person that has fallen before that seem desperate and then doesn’t answer their phone you go to them. She pulls up and my mother is standing in the window of the kitchen sink rinsing off dishes. My daughter was thinking WTF. But went in to see what was going on. She was saying she was impacted and needed an enema… yes an enema. My daughter told her no but my mother grabbed her arm and begged her saying she was very ill and had to have one… to that happened…but that wasn’t enough… she then asked after that and nothing came of it to check her for an impaction.   And I am not kidding about that. An impaction is where you cannot go number 2 for too long. Anyways my daughter once again said no…but once again my mother begged like she wouldn’t live if my daughter did not do this… so of course my daughter obliged. But in the process my daughter tells her there is nothing impacted and my mother replies go deeper…LMAO…sorry but I cracked up laughing when my daughter told me this. She told my mother she could not go any deeper and that she was done. She left and that was it. It is sad that I had to have a conversation with my mother about the boundaries that she should have with her grand daughter. And with that she still didn’t get why but agreed to not cross that boundary again. So now she is asking her girlfriend. lol

That is just one example of my mothers antics. She doesn’t even know or realize what she is saying or doing. She is on so many medications that half the time she doesn’t even stay awake for a visit. She gets lucid for the doctors so they do not understand what we are saying when we try to tell them she is not herself 90% of the day. She has gotten a little better since her husband retired last October. But he still isn’t around as much as she would like. So it is starting to get worse again until my daughter moved in… there is no privacy in that house. My mother will go back at all times of the night and knock on their door until someone answers and then is like were you trying to sleep…I am sorry and would then continue to talk and talk and talk…I get she is lonely but her neediness makes everyone sneak out and everyone avoid coming over. Then she gets upset about that. And I have much much more. .. just stay tuned.