Chapter 4

So I move on to junior high school. I remember the school and basics of these 2 years but trying to remember names of a lot of people and details of day to day life is not so easy. I still do not understand why but I will write what I can…

I do not remember the fist day of junior high school but I remember some of my classes especially orchestra. I wasn’t the best violin player but I did enjoy it. At some point pretty early on we were asked to volunteer to play the string bass. I volunteered and was put in a room with book and a bass. I was given the basics and since I already knew about playing a string instrument I was left to my own devices. It took a few weeks before I rejoined the rest of the orchestra. I did enjoy it. By the second year I was in the youth string orchestra… top players of all the junior high school students. It was a way of getting away from my regular life and do something I was proud of.

I also ran track. I was a distance runner…mile, 2 mile, mile relay and the 2 mile relay. I wasn’t the best but I did my best and really enjoyed it. I also did basketball for either 7th or 8th grade…I do not remember. I was on the B team…again I wasn’t the best but I tried. I was trying to find ways to be out of my house and doing something structured. I also tried out for the cheerleaders but I wasn’t in the girly popular crowd so that was a no go.

I took a home economics class. I learned to sew in this class…that I still do to this day. It was helpful for what ended up being a part of my longest career choice so it was a plus in my life. I made a skirt and a book bag. I cannot say I learned to cook there…my step dad taught me how to cook. He was instrumental in my ability to do just about anything in life. He taught me just about everything that would be useful in my life. Step dads are much more valuable than they are given credit for. (at least the good ones…there are bad ones too)

I had some friends in junior high school although I only remember a few names and only 1st names for all but a few of them. It started to become more clear in junior high school that I was more of a tomboy than a girly girl. I was much more interested in jeans and t-shirts and playing sports with the boys than to wear makeup and skirts. I was interested in boys not girls but didn’t feel the need to doll myself up. I wanted the boys to like me for me. I have always hated being fake. What I find interesting is the boyfriend I had through junior high school was my neighbor and he would figure out later that he liked boys…So not sure what to think about that. I wish him all the happiness in the world but does make me wonder about the whole tomboy aspect of that.

During the summers (when I wasn’t at my grandparents farm working) my step dad and I would do a garden and raise rabbits for food. The first time I had to kill a rabbit I was to hit it in the head with a hammer. I didn’t hit it hard enough and it started squealing and going in circles. I had to grab it and hit it again. (that was very hard for me) But I survived and I never had to hit one twice again. When I went to gut it I found some babies in her. So I grabbed a dropper and some towels and nursed them. 2 of the 3 survived.¬† We raised them to eat them later. He also took me fishing and taught me how to be a lead on a John boat going down a river and navigating the rapids. We used the rabbit manure for the garden. (Best fertilizer I have ever used) We would spend a lot of time at the 80 acres his family owned north of town. I loved this land. I think those 80 acres gave me a refuge from life. I loved walking in those woods. I used to sneak out there and just walk the woods when I needed to think and get away from my life.

In the fall my step dad would take me to the 80 acres to pick persimmons and to did sassafras roots for tea. That is my favorite tea of all time… he would give me swig or two of apricot or blackberry brandy just to keep me warm. It would get pretty chilly out there. Never got me drunk or anything like that so don’t get any ideas on that. My mother and I never got along and my dad was vacant in my life so he was the adult I connected with. I am glad that he taught me what he did during my formidable years. All girls need to learn a few things so they are not dependent on anyone for anything.

I did have an 8th grade graduation party to try and get more friends before we went to high school. A few people showed up but it just wasn’t my thing. I had fun but sucking up to people was not something I was comfortable doing. I wanted the boys to like me but couldn’t bring myself to be more girly to do it. I am not weak and cannot play weak to win a boy over. Made my life difficult but well adversity makes people stronger in life.

If I remember correctly it was during these 2 years of school that I met my biological. I last saw him when I was about 2 or 3 maybe. Either way I didn’t remember him. I found out that my sister had been in touch with that side of my family the whole time. I never saw any of the birthday cards or anything. Being that I had a strained relationship with my mother I was vulnerable to any sort of affection from him. I had fun during that visit. Asked for him to get custody of me even my sister went along. His wife Donna was so nice to me and I loved the way she was with my brother that I had never met. I was so hopeful just to be sent back to my mom. Dad did not fight for me and he just sent me gifts after that. Money does not buy love. So both of my parents didn’t want me and it made me feel alone. I did like the thought of the large family I had on my dads side. They were all so close and I didn’t have that in my life. It was like a slow torture…

I think this is why I was so attached to my step father. He showed interest in me and my life. He showed me parental love and taught¬† me like a parent does. It was also during this time that I called my step dad “dad” in the middle of a conversation with my step-sister while we were cooking in the kitchen. BIG MISTAKE! Next thing I know there is a butcher knife stuck in the wall beside my head. She threw it at me… needless to say I never called him dad again after that. I am sure she wouldn’t mind at this point but after that I was respectful of her feelings and never did it again.

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Crazy mom and grandmother

Yep that’s mine and a lot of other family’s. So lets get the show on the road with stories of the kind of some crazy things that mine are capable of.

My mother (bless her heart) is a little on the crazy side. She was an RN. My daughter is currently living with her with her 3 daughters and her girlfriend visits on the days she doesn’t work. It is a long distance relationship right now. Anyways my daughter is getting on her feet and staying with my mother and my mother has been asking a lot of questions about girl on girl intimacy and what that was all about. My married mother was getting into conversations with my daughter and her grand daughter about sex… and my daughter really doesn’t want to discuss sex with her grandmother. But she insists on the convos. My mother even goes into conversations with her girlfriend about this stuff. She gets uncomfortable with it too. My mother just met this girl about a month ago. But nothing is off limits for my mother. So my daughter is in the medical field as an aide. Her girlfriend is also in the medical field. Now mind you that nothing is off limits for my mother…heck she dropped her drawers (pants) for the UPS guy to show him the bruises on her legs…has asked my daughter to do things that yes aides and medical people do. But most people do not want to do these types of things to their able walking grandmother. My mother never texted and my daughter got a text actually several texts begging for help from my mother and when you get the text help from an older person that has fallen before that seem desperate and then doesn’t answer their phone you go to them. She pulls up and my mother is standing in the window of the kitchen sink rinsing off dishes. My daughter was thinking WTF. But went in to see what was going on. She was saying she was impacted and needed an enema… yes an enema. My daughter told her no but my mother grabbed her arm and begged her saying she was very ill and had to have one… to that happened…but that wasn’t enough… she then asked after that and nothing came of it to check her for an impaction.   And I am not kidding about that. An impaction is where you cannot go number 2 for too long. Anyways my daughter once again said no…but once again my mother begged like she wouldn’t live if my daughter did not do this… so of course my daughter obliged. But in the process my daughter tells her there is nothing impacted and my mother replies go deeper…LMAO…sorry but I cracked up laughing when my daughter told me this. She told my mother she could not go any deeper and that she was done. She left and that was it. It is sad that I had to have a conversation with my mother about the boundaries that she should have with her grand daughter. And with that she still didn’t get why but agreed to not cross that boundary again. So now she is asking her girlfriend. lol

That is just one example of my mothers antics. She doesn’t even know or realize what she is saying or doing. She is on so many medications that half the time she doesn’t even stay awake for a visit. She gets lucid for the doctors so they do not understand what we are saying when we try to tell them she is not herself 90% of the day. She has gotten a little better since her husband retired last October. But he still isn’t around as much as she would like. So it is starting to get worse again until my daughter moved in… there is no privacy in that house. My mother will go back at all times of the night and knock on their door until someone answers and then is like were you trying to sleep…I am sorry and would then continue to talk and talk and talk…I get she is lonely but her neediness makes everyone sneak out and everyone avoid coming over. Then she gets upset about that. And I have much much more. .. just stay tuned.